the stuff of nightmares

I can't believe I'm doing this. Even as I write this sentence, I have no idea if I'll wuss out and actually hit publish or not. These pictures are sooooooo embarrassing. I feel like I should yell "Gird your loins!" or "Avert your eyes!" (both in Scottish accents, obviously) before I show them to you. I'm so sorry if they burn your eyeballs a little.

But ok, here's the thing. My friends have seen my bedroom this way. When I have people over, in this phase of life (and if I'm being honest, in all my phases of life because I've never had a clean bedroom), this is the best I ever do. This is who I am; This is how I live. And we're friends!! If you read this blog (bless your heart for doing so), then we are friends. And if you came over to my house in real life and needed a spot to nurse your baby or borrow a dress for a wedding, this is the room you would go to. It is what it is.

Which is hideous. And it's even worse when you slap it up on the internet for all the world to see and Pinterest is open on the next tab. And even worse than that is I can't promise you I'm going to change it. I mean, I want to and I plan to, but I can't promise. Naturally in a post like this there should be some inspiration pictures of where we're going, a moodboard as evidence I'm working on it...some hope of some kind! Some decisive statement that says, "But wait! I know what this looks like, but I swear I have good taste!" No really, if I only had time...money...it's not me, it's the house! C'mon, you know me! You know I'd never intentionally hang burgundy mini blinds!" Nope, I can't make any promises. I'm just sucking it up and showin' ya where I live.

Deep breath. Ready? Please just promise to look fast.

First up on the right, a collection of unused, unneeded furniture, such as a queen box spring, a crib, a chair and other nursery items that I am either too lazy or too sentimental to drive over to the Good Will. And the suitcase from my trip last week, which shall remain unpacked indefinitely.

Next up, my gallery of vacuum cleaners. And a slight underbed storage issue. And oh, hahah. Yeah. The window. Insane, right? I mean, if you moved into this house wouldn't you rip those blinds down day one with your bare hands no-time-for-a-screwdriver immediately? Why have I not done this? It's basically like I didn't want to do anything to the room when we moved in, because if I did one thing then I'd touched it, stamped it with my approval. I wanted it to be abundantly obvious that the room was not how I wanted it to be. Well, that's just ridiculous. I AM going to change those blinds. (Not a promise).

Yep, that there is a very dead rubber plant. It is strategic- I have decided that the leaves are better dead to me than alive. You'll have to trust me. Just curious though, what concerns you most in this photo? The rocking chair-turned-linen closet? The bags of stuff I haven't looked in for a solid year? The obvious is-it-a-houseplant-or-finger-of-dead-witch question? Or ooh! Maybe it's the fact that the blinds are not only burgundy, they're actually broken! Ugly and unfunctional. The design sweet spot.

Here we have my friend Suitcase Man. It's a pretty cool DIY actually. Just prop a carry-on-size suitcase atop an arm chair and point it toward your bed. You instantly have a creepy looking robot pal who can stare at you while you sleep!

Lastly, up there on the left, we have another unnecessary old furniture piece that holds very necessary bedroom items such as half a snack cup, a garbage bag, and a dog bone.

Waaaahhhaaa. I know. It's so bad. I understand if you think less of me. I'm honestly hoping there's someone out there who feels better about their bedroom today because of this. Of course I'm also hoping that the shame of showing my blinds to the blogosphere will force some kind of change despite my reluctance to promise it...and I am saying all this out loud because I'm nervous I'll get my new king-sized bed for my birthday and then do absolutely nothing else. That would be so pitiful! And Ryan and I agreed (remember?) that we wanted to make our bedroom relaxing in 2015. And it does have great bones doesn't it? Can't you just see that ceiling covered in white washed barn wood?! (See? Too far. I instantly jump to the nuclear option. Why can't I just start with putting away the vacuum?) I'm going to try. I'm going to try to clean it out, haul away the junk, change the blinds and at the very least, give my birthday present a room that is not a crap-hole to come home to. But in the meantime, the point is really just to show you where I live. And hope you still want to be friends after you see it! :)